Aerially Challenged
They came. They jumped. They hit the water hard.
Pretty much the order of things in the Birdman Rally on the Yarra last Saturday. Twenty-one grownups, dressed as swans, cockatoos and superheroes, attached to fiberglass butterlfies, three-eyed fish and balsa wings, ran full pelt off the 4-metre platform and…well…splash.
Congratz to Michael Paul who eked 10 metres out of his DIY glider - after shirt-fronting the runway on his first attempt to take-off. And special mention to Moomba Man for spending 46 years on building a machine of muscle and intelligence, better known as his own body. But for a fine idea, the event failed to reach the heights.
Why? Here are 8 reasons for starters:
+ Why plant the judges on a humungous boat bang in front of the riverside crowd? Not only did it arrive late to block the view, but the panel is better suited to an onshore pozzie beside the pontoon.
+ The scoring system. Mayor John So in his pretzel English explained the rally had three criteria - style, design + distance. So why a single score? Surely a psychedelic galah warrants a special 7 for style - and then zero for mileage.
+ Sound system was subpar. Like duelling banjoes, Mike A interrupted Mike B, while Mike C on the zodiac raft could only work if the boat was within a certain area.
+ The prelim music was flight-themed and upbeat (think Ticket to the Moon, The Eel’s Birds, Fly Me to the Moon, Rocket Man) but then we have some tizzy muzak played sporadically through the main event. Can it.
+ Health + Safety is one thing, but one man jumping off a pontoon doesn’t require a full Code-Red Evacuation Drill with triple-depth gauges in order to OK the river for the next flying fool. A good bird man rally is a quick birdman rally. Jump, vacate, score, next! (As a breezy Q+A covers the downtime of the judging confab.)
+ One guy in a cape is funny. Eight or nine guys? Gets tired pretty quick. Cut down the field to the authentic loonies with wings and ailerons and ozone ambitions.
+ OK, so Jetstar is the current sponsor. Five years ago it was Nando, the chicken people. Sponsors may come and go, but they don’t possess the event’s history, nor should they lord the rights of crowing their name with every announcement. It’s the Birdman Rally. It’s the Melbourne Cup. It’s the footy Grand Final. Corporate godfathers are wise to go the watermark presence, rather than the full-time tannoy approach.
+ And while on the look-at-me patronage, if a company is going to hand out freebies before a rally, why not a Jetstar vizor or 15+? The sun was brutal on Saturday, and the 2 hour sit on unshaded lawn would benefit with smarter freebies. So KFC, or Aeroflot, or Falcon - whichever firm is good for Birdman 2008 - think chapstick instead of clapstick.
Aside from that, kids and I had a ripper time, really. In fact, designs are afoot to make a stealth frisbee.